Friday Funnies....

I totally swiped these from a friends blog (thx Lori! :)), but they are worth posting. Hilarious and so true!

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

5. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

6. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

7. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo (or Atari) and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

8. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

9. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.

10. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

11. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

12. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

13. Was learning cursive really necessary?

14. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

16. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

19. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

20. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

21. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

22. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

23. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

24. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

25. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

26. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

27. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

28. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

29. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

30. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

31. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

32. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

33. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

34. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

35. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.